Wow. Day 16, Country #3, and already we've reached Dipping Point #1.
GIST is physically and emotionally draining, and being on the road means your support system is not within immediate reach. Nobody but yourself. This is pure self-leadership learning with all its experiential glory.
This is about knowing what you can and can't take. I'm in Singapore now, and the biggest gripe for me has been connectivity. Not having internet at home. Mapping all the internet spots and negotiating your way into them (all those user registrations). Trying to set up all these meetings through email and instant messengers, which means constantly worrying whenever you're not online. I had three meetings back-to-back today, and during the first two I was anxious about the next one. Not being online is hard to take. In terms of energy spent, so far it feels like GIST is 75% emailing/texting and 25% meeting. Maybe also 4% sightseeing and 6% reflecting, because let's be real, we all give 110%.
And then there are other things: budgeting. Always being "on". Arranging for more meetups in this country and the next one. Lack of sleep. Talking to SheenRu about G13 Communications this semester. Port #2. These are the smaller details that needed to be done, and so I keep running out of time to work on what I actually want/need to do: no time to write on this blog, nor to design workshop sessions, nor to read key materials like this book, A User's Guide on Constructive Dialogue. At the end of each day, I feel drained but I would feel guilty about not doing any of the big pieces of work, and the guilt would continue to eat the little energy I have left. And so on.
Booking a one-way ticket into Singapore and not having a place to sleep up to the day before flying in, on the other hand, I can handle easily.
Anyway, whether one can take it or not, things will continue to happen. And when it feels like nothing is going right and you're very tired, and you have to decide the next course of action, is that not the ultimate leadership test? When you're alone without anyone to help, blame, or brainstorm with, everything becomes ultraclear. This is the situation. This is what you're feeling. This is you under pressure. Alone or together, followers or none, the truth is the same. You're still you.
The only thing I can do is to jot down takeaways from all that has happened. So my learnings so far:
Another example for Learning #3. Last semester Christina asked "What are the specific moments that you want to see happen during GIST?" and suggested I write about it. That way I would know enough to, for example, say yes to a particular meeting, because I know it will lead to the moment I was looking for.
Today at one of my meetings, after hearing my attempt to explain APLP and GIST, my friend suggested I come to a workshop the next day. His acquaintance from Harvard is coming to Singapore to run a full-day session on Mindful Leadership. Tomorrow is Saturday. And I've been so drained. What to do? From experience, I know these workshops often act as safe spaces for business people to have a constructive dialogue about their leadership challenges. I also know that a workshop like this is not at all cheap, and here I was magically being handed an invitation. Is this chance worth my only weekend in Singapore? Yes.
GIST is physically and emotionally draining, and being on the road means your support system is not within immediate reach. Nobody but yourself. This is pure self-leadership learning with all its experiential glory.
This is about knowing what you can and can't take. I'm in Singapore now, and the biggest gripe for me has been connectivity. Not having internet at home. Mapping all the internet spots and negotiating your way into them (all those user registrations). Trying to set up all these meetings through email and instant messengers, which means constantly worrying whenever you're not online. I had three meetings back-to-back today, and during the first two I was anxious about the next one. Not being online is hard to take. In terms of energy spent, so far it feels like GIST is 75% emailing/texting and 25% meeting. Maybe also 4% sightseeing and 6% reflecting, because let's be real, we all give 110%.
And then there are other things: budgeting. Always being "on". Arranging for more meetups in this country and the next one. Lack of sleep. Talking to SheenRu about G13 Communications this semester. Port #2. These are the smaller details that needed to be done, and so I keep running out of time to work on what I actually want/need to do: no time to write on this blog, nor to design workshop sessions, nor to read key materials like this book, A User's Guide on Constructive Dialogue. At the end of each day, I feel drained but I would feel guilty about not doing any of the big pieces of work, and the guilt would continue to eat the little energy I have left. And so on.
Booking a one-way ticket into Singapore and not having a place to sleep up to the day before flying in, on the other hand, I can handle easily.
Anyway, whether one can take it or not, things will continue to happen. And when it feels like nothing is going right and you're very tired, and you have to decide the next course of action, is that not the ultimate leadership test? When you're alone without anyone to help, blame, or brainstorm with, everything becomes ultraclear. This is the situation. This is what you're feeling. This is you under pressure. Alone or together, followers or none, the truth is the same. You're still you.
The only thing I can do is to jot down takeaways from all that has happened. So my learnings so far:
- Very technical: Name cards. I ran out of it on my last meeting today, which was of course the most professional meeting of the day (formal meeting room in fancy office and everything). Keep lots of name cards, in the bag, in wallet, in back pocket. If you can pull it off, have some behind your ear. Have some behind your counterpart's ear. Just have them around.
- Enter anything the same way you would escape. Quickly, strategically, and without looking back. Yesterday I had arranged to meet a friend I haven't seen or spoken to in 6 years. I was worried I might forgot what she looks like, but what I did not expect was for her to show up with her mother. I asked the mother politely, "Where are you going to?", having assumed she is dropping off her daughter. My friend replied "Well, we are having dinner, right?" and without missing a beat, I said "Yup, so, where are we going?" (Thwe, if you're reading this, this memory will last us another 6 years).
- The APLP team really, really, really, really know what they're doing. During GIST Launch in Myanmar, Nina had us think about mantras to repeat when we get stuck in a rut. I was going to write a post about mantras, and I keep getting upset because I was too busy to finish the post, as I thought it was pretty good writing but I didn't know where it was going, and I have all these meetings, which is important, but then we need to submit a post every week, and I can't go online, and when I did go online, Tiger Air is refusing my card, which means I can't purchase a flight out of Singapore, and SheenRu is asking about our G13 blog...and then I realized this exact moment is what the mantra is supposed to be for.
Another example for Learning #3. Last semester Christina asked "What are the specific moments that you want to see happen during GIST?" and suggested I write about it. That way I would know enough to, for example, say yes to a particular meeting, because I know it will lead to the moment I was looking for.
Today at one of my meetings, after hearing my attempt to explain APLP and GIST, my friend suggested I come to a workshop the next day. His acquaintance from Harvard is coming to Singapore to run a full-day session on Mindful Leadership. Tomorrow is Saturday. And I've been so drained. What to do? From experience, I know these workshops often act as safe spaces for business people to have a constructive dialogue about their leadership challenges. I also know that a workshop like this is not at all cheap, and here I was magically being handed an invitation. Is this chance worth my only weekend in Singapore? Yes.